If today were a movie it would be called : False Spring (or, It May Be Global Warming But I Don't Give A Damn)

Call it what you may, and yes, I know it isn't here to stay, but today is GLORIOUS. I went out to do some walking errands this morning and just sat on a park bench and sipped my coffee, tilting my head toward the sun. Then I came home and threw open all the windows and let that glorious fresh air waft into the apartment (then I had a sneezing fit, but whatev). God must have looked down today and said, "You know, these people are having a rough time of it right now. Let's give them a sunshine-y, happy day".

Because it seems the news gets bleaker and bleaker every day; I find out about more and more friends and loved ones losing jobs, and I start to feel really down. But today, it seems like everything is possible.

So thanks to this glorious (could I please use that word once more? Thank you.) day, I feel like a new person. Last week, I started to turn things around as far as being bored and isolated in my apartment all day long. I realized that I get sucked into the vortex of the internet way too often and for way too long. I have to work really hard to limit my time in front of the computer each day. I'm much happier out in the world, connecting with other human beings.

I'm also very happy in my kitchen! My recent culinary endeavors have included: homemade chicken stock and roasted potato leek soup (both courtesy of Ina's new book, Back to Basics)

If you don't already own this book, I highly recommend getting it for your cookbook library. (The brownie pudding is also a little piece of heaven. I made it for a Super Bowl party).

Other excitement: We booked our trip to Mexico for March 9 - 14!!! Since we are no longer going to Greece, we decided a getaway was in order. In just one month, we will be relaxing on the sunny beaches of this island:


Now please excuse me, I have to go work out like a madwoman to get bikini ready!

All I can say is -- thank God there are only four more days of January. This month has seemed interminably long and bleak, and I haven't been helping matters by reading possibly the most depressing book I've encountered yet, Revolutionary Road. I'm sure you've seen the previews. It's a beautiful book, but it's absolutely heart-breaking, and now I'm not sure I will be able to stand the ensuing heart-break of seeing the movie. I even tried to lighten my spirits last week by going to see a matinee of Bride Wars by myself, but that movie was just about as depressing as RR, if not more so, because it was just...ridiculous. And sad. *SPOILER ALERT* At this point in my life, I don't like seeing movies about failed marriages or engagements that break off. I think I'm going to have to brain-wash myself with some movie musicals or something.

Anyways. I'm currently under-employed, which is better than unemployed, I suppose. But with the current temps hovering around zero or less, it means I have spent inordinate amounts of time in our apartment, by myself. The place has never looked better, and I've made a lot of progress on wedding tasks (save-the-dates came in yesterday and they are GORGEOUS!), but more than once I've started to feel a like a crazed caged animal. Nick bought us a Wii this past weekend, which helps a bit, but I feel like a loser playing video games during the day. I need some self-betterment projects...learning Greek, maybe?

What am I doing about the under-employedness (not a word, I know)? Well, I'm kind of in a holding pattern right now. During the last few weeks, I have decided (just about definitely) to go back to school for a Masters in Speech and Language Pathology. I submitted my application for the Fall for post-baccalaureate work at Northern Illinois University, and I'm planning to enroll for some basic courses (Bio, Physics, Stats) at one of the local community colleges for the summer. Math and Science -- never my strong subjects, but I'm a pretty smart gal, so I think I can handle it. I've come to a point where I've realized teaching (especially teaching middle and high schoolers) is not for me. At least not as a primary career. I like teaching when the student is very engaged and talented, but those are pretty few and far between. I can see myself teaching a select number of students out of my home someday, but I can't imagine doing it full time or for the rest of my career.

I don't intend to stop singing, either. My one qualm about going into SLP is that I'll be taking myself out of the singing world. But I won't, really. I still intend to sing for MOB (hopefully more solos!), and I intend to keep auditioning as well. Singing is what I love, and if somehow I could do that and only that for a living and feel satisfied, I would. But the truth is, there isn't enough singing work to keep me busy enough to be happy, and I don't want to travel 24-7. I need something more.

So yeah. That's what's in my head right now. Nothing much else exciting to report -- except that we are planning a little five day getaway to le Mexico in early March!!!! Plans to go to Greece changed, so we decided a beach vacay was in order. We're thinking Cozumel, but any suggestions would be lovely! We're trying to stay away from the spring-break heavy places as well.

Happy Tuesday!

Crockpot as Relationship Savior

So, I got a Crockpot for Christmas. And it's basically the best (kitchen) thing that ever happened to me. And Nick. You see, many evenings of the week I am in rehearsals from early evening until 9 or later, and Nick generally gets home at 5 (we joke that we work in shifts), which creates a problem when it comes to dinner. I've tried several times to prepare casserole type things that Nick could just pop in the oven when he gets home, but it's not very convenient and usually requires many post-it instructions.

Enter the Crockpot.

My mother used to make pot roast in the Crockpot, but that's about the only thing I remember eating out of the Crock. I got a Crockpot cookbook for Christmas, but I was kind of disappointed with it -- all the recipes called for canned soup and other Sanra-Lee-esque pre-packaged crap.

Enter this blog.

My future sister-in-law emailed me a link to this site, and it is currently changing my life. So far I've made (all photos courtesy of 365 blog):

Crockpot Chicken Makhani (an amazing Indian dish with loads of flavor)

and this:

Crockpot Fajitas

Both recipes literally required about 10 minutes of prep time. Chop a bit, put it all in the pot, DONE. You don't even have to stir anything, which kind of made me uneasy at first, but I have learned that slow cooking makes everything meld together beautifully. The fajitas have been our fave so far. Both recipes made enough for at least two nights of dinner for both of us, plus a couple of lunches for me. The Indian Chicken was good, but I felt like it was missing something -- probably the cardamom pods, which I left out because I couldn't find them at our Greek grocery and didn't feel like trekking to Devon Ave. (Chicago's little India). Both recipes I will for sure make again.

My next Crockpot creation: SOUPS!--in an attempt for both of us to lose a few lbs before the wedding.

The Crockpot is literally making our relationship happier. I don't feel guilty for not preparing dinner, and we have delicious meals waiting for us when either of us gets home, which relieves the stress of throwing something together. It's also pretty darn economical.

Definitely check out A Year of Crockpotting. Stephanie is really witty and a great writer. She was even featured on the Rachael Ray show! I guarantee that the Crockpot can change your life for the better, whatever your situation.

Here's to my own year of Crockpotting!

Sundee

So, how is the love theme going, you ask? You're dying to know, right? Well, one week in, and things are pretty lovely. Here's a little update:

Career: Seriously looking into doing a Masters in Speech and Language Pathology. Shocking, I know! It's not such a huge career change as you think, and in fact, I've been considering it for quite some time. I haven't disclosed a lot on the blog about it, but I had some vocal health problems awhile back and worked with an awesome speech pathologist who is also a singer and voice teacher and works for my ENT. I became really inspired by her work, and thought that maybe I would someday be interested in doing something similar. Well, last week I did some serious looking into what it would require and contacted some professors, etc. It would be a lot of work, and I'm weighing the pros and cons, but I've been pretty unhappy with my life as a freelance musician and it may be time to move on. Not saying I'm going to give up singing entirely, I could never do that, but I may be finished chasing after the elusive young artist program dream.

Wedding plans: are coming along! We are meeting with the priest next week, my maid and matron of honor are ordering their dresses, which means I've chosen a color scheme for the wedding! Check out the dress here. The dress is the color that is pictured, Indigo, and the sash is Frappucino. So it's going to be a sort of "blue and brown" color scheme, which I love. I have also spent many hours finalizing the guest list and entering addresses and guest information. That was some heavy data entry, let me tell you. I told everyone - "I need a wedding intern to do all this busywork!" But who am I kidding, I have plenty of time for this crap, and I don't mind it that much. The guest list is currently at 88, which I think is rather perfect.

Nick was gone for an aesthetic dentistry class in Minneapolis from Thursday through Sunday this week, so I had some quality time to reconnect with myself and my friends. With several hours of rehearsal and church thrown in there. And, my cousin Megan was visiting from Denver! So it turned out to be an excellent weekend.

I've been spending the last few hours reconnecting with some old Ani DiFranco albums I never uploaded to iTunes, and therefore haven't listened to in ages. I've said it once and I'll say it again, the woman is the most brilliant lyricist. It's funny how many memories are contained in these albums. Just the first few bars of a song can take me back to sophomore year at DePauw, laying in my bunk at Alpha Phi, crying over the current devastation of the moment, and playing Ani over and over and over. Another song takes me back to my first year in Chicago, post-god-awful-break-up, angrily swearing off men and blasting Ani on the El on my way to a truly awful job. God, I'm glad those days are over. But remembering them makes me feel more like myself.

Aaaaand I've officially gotten weepy. Time to quit! Have a great week, y'all.

A 2009 Theme

This morning, while on the elliptical, while watching The Today Show, I saw a segment about New Years resolutions. And while I eschew once-a-year resolutions (it seems every Monday I resolve to do something), I liked one particular thing they discussed that my friend Allison also mentioned she's doing this year: finding a theme word for the year. Allison's word is purity. I thought and I thought, about what word I should choose. And cheesy as it may sound, the word I chose is LOVE. I mean, it's only fitting that the year I get married should be about love, right? But it's not just about being in love with Nick, it's about embracing and being thankful for all the love in my life, and it's especially about loving myself (not that way, dirty minds), with which I constantly struggle. It may not come as a surprise to you if you know me well, but I am usually brutally and cruelly hard on myself. It can be a great asset, as I move forward in my career and constantly strive to better myself, but most times, it's a hurtful voice inside telling me that I'm a failure. I've done a lot of work, with my therapist and on my own, to silence that voice, but this year I'm going to focus on it even more. I'm not sure what that requires, but I have some good tools for figuring it out.

One of the first things I'm doing to love myself more is focusing on my career: figuring out what I really want to be doing with my life, getting rid of the toxic parts of my job and people that upset me on a regular basis, and finding a more meaningful path in this difficult world of singing and music. It might mean taking a different path entirely, but in the past few years I've learned a lot about my passions for different aspects of the profession, and I've also learned a lot about what I dislike. Music is never far from my thoughts, and right now I'm so lucky to get to sing Mozart's beautiful Vesperae Solennes de Confessore with MOB, which is such a cool piece. It should be an interesting year for my career!

I'd also like to be more loving to the world around me. In 2008, I tried to be more "green", but I know I fell very short. It's also difficult to be a member of a community when that community is somewhat transient (the city), myself included. Hopefully in the not so distant future, Nick and I will settle somewhere permanently, and I can work on being an active and loving member of a community. It may not happen in 2009, but I've started to think about it quite a bit.

And of course, I will be planning my wedding for the better part of 2009, a day focused entirely on love. I'm sure not all of the planning process will be particularly loving, but I am so excited for that day to come and to become Nick's wife. So 2009 will also be about nurturing my relationship, and working toward the day when we vow before God to spend our lives together. Exciting stuff.

So those are my thoughts today. I was feeling so depressed last night -- all the fun of the holidays and Nick's birthday are over -- but this morning things are looking up. I've got a lot of work to do in 2009 -- not just the work I get paid to do, but work on my heart. LOVE...it's going to be a good year.

A Year in Review: 2008

I thought this year I would take a different turn and do a pictorial review of 2008. Here goes!

In January, I began my adventures working for Opera for the Young, a touring opera company based in Madison, Wisconsin. It was my first real "opera" job, and I felt it really helped me grow as a musician and colleague.





In February, it continued to snow...and snow...and snow. I thought winter might never end.


In March, I sang my third concert with Music of the Baroque, the St. Matthew Passion, which was an amazing and moving experience. Nick went to Greece for two weeks without me to do business, so my mom came up to spend five days with me over Easter. We spent Easter at my church choir director's house with the other paid musicians from our church. It was my third Easter as soprano soloist at Trinity, and some of my colleagues there have become my best friends:





In April, I spent nearly the entire month touring with OFY. It was pretty exhausting, and I would be happy not to see another Super 8 for the rest of my life, but I made some lasting friendships with colleagues and had many funny stories to tell!
And I made my debut at the Overture Center for the Arts in Madison!


May brought a more relaxed time for me work-wise, but at home we welcomed Nick's sister and nephew, Chrysanthe and Angelo, from Greece, who came for the wedding of Nick's brother Chris. It was very different for us to have a three-year old in the house, and I think we both learned that we're not quite ready for a child just yet! We also traveled to Kalamazoo for the wedding of my cousin Katy.









We always have a great time at family weddings...

June was a very exciting month...Nick proposed! I had known that he was shopping for the ring, but the day he proposed I wasn't expecting it at all! We started planning our August 2009 nuptials pretty soon after that.


In July, we traveled to Fort Wayne for the wedding of my good friend from high school, Stasi. I've known Stasi and Adam as a couple since the beginning of their relationship, so I was very excited and honored to be a bridesmaid and sing Ave Maria as Stasi walked down the aisle. The trip also gave us a chance to celebrate our engagement with my family.

with fellow bridesmaids and best friends from high school Allison and Brooke

Browns get hitched!

with the lovely bride


August brought two trips to Indianapolis to celebrate birthdays with each of my grandmothers. It was a very special birthday for Grandma Hofmockel-80th!-and our whole family surprised her with a party over Labor Day weekend (and my mom made her wear that tiara).


September saw my return to a more rigorous working schedule, with my teaching jobs starting back up, Music of the Baroque concert, church job, and High Holidays temple job. Once again, I was so thankful for the amount of singing work coming my way. I am constantly amazed that I managed to pay the better part of my bills this year with singing and teaching and can only hope that the New Year brings more exciting work my way.



In October, my mother and sister came to Chicago for a short visit filled with shopping for bridesmaid and mother of the bride gowns. We also attended a bridal show at Navy Pier. Wedding plans continued and the ceremony and reception locations were secured, DJ and photographer hired, my gown purchased and many other details worked out. I decided then to take a break until after the holidays!



At the end of October/early November, I spent another two weeks on the road with OFY, which took me as far north as Aurora, Minnesota (2 hours north of Duluth!). And I had another exciting career milestone when I was selected for the Central Region Finals of the Metropolitan Opera National Council Auditions! I sang two pieces for the judges and a live audience in a concert/competition format in Nichols Hall in Evanston on Sunday, November 2nd. The concert was broadcast on WFMT, the classical station in Chicago, and so my parents were able to listen via live streaming on the internet! I didn't win, but I felt so great about my singing and received some terrific feedback. Once again, I felt encouraged to continue my pursuit of a singing career!



And finally, we come to December. A great month for musicians, and I was lucky enough to have lots of work keeping me busy. We threw another great holiday party, which is quickly becoming a tradition for us.





It was a very, very good year. Certainly there were ups and downs, what with the crumbling economy and feelings of uncertainty about the future. I continue to be the eternal optimist and have great hope that 2009 will be a better year for those who struggled in 2008. I will continue to pray for those that are without jobs, those that are lonely, those that feel hopeless or without a clear path of "what next?" I have certainly been there, and continue to find myself there at times. Have faith that things will get better, because they will. And if your 2008 was blessed and happy, have faith that good things will continue to come your way. Happy New Year, my friends.

Christmas 2008

'Twas a fantastic Christmas at the Lyday house, albeit far too short. Delicious food was eaten, many presents given and received, several naps taken, and a much-needed four days of relaxation had. It seems to be an ongoing tradition that our drive to Fort Wayne is filled with snowy danger, but we returned to a warm city and no more snow! Sadly, Nick and I returned to work today, but I'm off for the rest of the week and Nick has half day Wednesday and all day Thursday off. We are continuing a tradition begun last year and spending New Year's Eve in Aurora with our friends Allison and Ryan.

Many blessings in the New Year from my family to yours!

done and done

Well, kids, I did it. I survived another December as a musician. There were times, like yesterday morning circa 9:00 am whilst attempting to ice-pick my car out of a parking spot, when I wasn't sure if I would make it, but I persevered through two snow storms, an ice storm, and Arctic winds in order to sing five lovely concerts this past weekend. A lot of elderly folks in festive Christmas sweaters are extremely happy. And I will be too come December 30th when that paycheck lands in my bank account!

Some action shots courtesy of one Mr. Nick :



my big solo!


Mom and Dad made it up to hear me!


In all seriousness, it was a fun concert, and I continued to strengthen my relationships with my colleagues in this group. So many of my current jobs have stemmed from my connections in this group, and for that I am very thankful.

And now I am off for two weeks! After the exhausting run of concerts, I've spent today mostly in pajamas (although I did just shower and am about to bake some ginger cookies). Tomorrow I get to see my Andrea, my best friend who lives in NYC whom I NEVER get to see! We're going to paint the town red (as much as that is possible in this weather and during the hours of 10:30 am - 2:30 pm) before Nick and I head out to Fort Wayne tomorrow afternoon for family Christmas festivities.

Wishing you and yours the warmest and happiest of holidays. Stay tuned for the annual A Year in Review update.

Caroling at the Drake, or Why It's So Fun to be a Singer at the Holidays

As I mentioned in an earlier post, this past Saturday I was hired to sing Christmas carols with a quartet at the Drake Hotel. Easy enough, decent pay, and at least it isn't outdoors, I said to myself. But the catch: I had to wear a costume. Behold, the costume:



It was actually kind of cute, but the hoop skirt kept getting stuck between chairs and tables as we went around the tea room and Drake Bros. restaurant singing. The three other singers were lovely people whom I had never previously met, and it's always nice to meet new singers. And of course we all had so many friends and colleagues in common -- the classical singing world is so small, it's more like 1 or 2 degrees of separation.

The most difficult part of the day, by far, was watching all the guests indulge in the amazing looking buffet in the restaurant. For our lunch, we were sent down to the employee cafeteria....let's just say that was certainly an experience I won't forget. Usually, we singers are treated a bit better than that...we're not the maids and busboys for crying out loud! But for one day, I can handle it, and we got a good laugh and a great story out of it.

After my day of caroling, Nick came and met me and we spent a lovely evening on Michigan Avenue doing a little shopping and having a nice dinner. Unfortunately, I didn't get any Christmas gifts purchased, but I have some free days this week for that. Thank God I'm able to shop mid-week, the weekend around here are just insane.

This week is busy, with five Music of the Baroque Holiday concerts in four days. Tonight is our first dress rehearsal, and tomorrow is our second, then we get Wednesday off before the madness ensues. Truthfully, I'm really looking forward to them, and it's amazingly luxurious not to have to do anything but sing this week. If you're interested in tickets, head over to www.baroque.org. But hurry, because they will sell out this week -- one performance has already!

Hope you are enjoying the holiday season. I know it can be busy and crazy (and cold), but it really is a wonderful time of year. And if you need some cheering up, go get a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate from Starbucks. Good LORD is that drink amazing...

Engagement Photo Shoot

Last month, Nick and I decided to take our own engagement photos. Photography is one of Nick's hobbies (as evidenced by the nearly 4,000 photos on my Mac and even more on his computer), and since we are bringing in our wedding photographer from Fort Wayne, we didn't want to hire a Chicago photographer to do the engagement. Plus, we thought it would be a lot of fun to do it ourselves, and it gave Nick a reason to buy the tripod he's been coveting for quite some time.

So, one Friday evening we headed over to the Adler Planetarium, where there is a terrific view of the skyline (and, incidentally, where we had our first kiss!). Here are some of my faves (and some silly ones!) from the shoot:

this is my fave, and the one we'll likely frame and use for our save the dates:




testing the angle:




It was a lot of fun and we got some great shots out of it! I'm really looking forward to making our save the dates and sending them out mid-February!

One singing-related thing I have to share: I found out yesterday that I am cast as a soloist in the Music of the Baroque Christmas concerts!!! Not only am I thrilled at the opportunity, it will nearly double my pay for this concert. Looks like people will be getting good Christmas gifts this year! And the credit card will receive a happy gift as well.

We're off to Indianapolis this afternoon for Thanksgiving with the Lyday clan. Should be a great trip, and a much-needed break for me and Nick. The calm before the storm, shall we say.....

Happy Turkey Day!

news

Well kids, I know, it's been awhile. The ol' Mac has been having some trouble these days and for that I blame my lack of posting. That and the fact that I've been non-stop go go go these days. With no end in sight. Yes, it's that time of year again, the time when we musicians make our money and sell out as much as possible for cash. In years past I've sung to the jewels, and this year I will be making my debut at the Drake Hotel as a caroler in Dickens costume. Gotta make the cash, and it ain't a bad way to do it. In addition, I'll have the MOB Christmas concert, which is always a lot of fun, and possibly a Messiah solo gig. Then a blissful two weeks off for Christmas and New Years.

Highlights of the past few weeks: OFY tour was a blast. It was great to catch up with my colleagues, and we got to stay in some pretty cool places, including a villa in the forest (somebody's GORGEOUS vacation home 2 hours north of Duluth), and the Madison Hampton Inn, which after Super 8's for two weeks feels like the Ritz Carlton. It was tough to come back to my teaching jobs here, since I haven't been enjoying them much lately, but I made an appointment with my shrink this week to talk it over. I haven't seen her in ages due to budgetary reasons, but I really feel like I need to hash out how I'm feeling about career stuff lately.

Anyways, here's some fun pics from tour:


a somewhat blurry shot of me cooking spaghetti in the villa


my first tour week castmates


at Fitger's Brewery in Duluth


Kristin and I backstage before a show

Other highlights: The Met auditions were fantastic and so much fun. I've never been treated so well at a contest or audition before. We all had our own dressing rooms for the finals! The level of singing and competition was intense: there was a girl from the Chicago Lyric Young Artist Program, a girl who is an Adler Fellow at San Francisco Opera, and lots of other terrific singers. I didn't place, but I was so pleased with how I sang that it didn't even matter. My friend Ryan, who is a countertenor (kind of like a male alto, sings in a female range) won -- he totally deserved it and I was so glad. And how can I compete with a countertenor? :) I won some money for advancing from districts and got some great feedback from judges and audience members, so altogether it was a huge confidence boost when I really needed it.

One not so hot highlight from the past few weeks: My dad has been having some heart problems and has been in the hospital and had a surgery to implant a cardiac defibulator (I have no clue how to spell that). He was born with a hole in his heart and had two surgeries as a child, and while they were checking up on some things they found some problems and had a scary moment where his heart stopped. That was when they decided to implant the defibulator. Anyways, long story short, he was having some blood clots resulting from surgery that landed him in the hospital again. He had to be put on blood thinners for six months. Thankfully, he is doing well now and is recuperating at home. I was able to go there this week to help out and spend some time. So SO glad that my schedule allowed for it. He is doing well but of course prayers are appreciated.

That's all from me! Take time to breathe and enjoy the season. :)

excitement!

Sorry no tour posts this week guys. It's been a spotty internet week and my precious Macbook has been acting up...so annoying.

The amazing news I have to share is that one of my auditions turned out really splendidly last week -- I am a finalist in the Metropolitan Opera National Council Regional auditions on Sunday!!! Go here if you want to learn more about these auditions. Basically, it's a huge honor to even make it to the regional finals, and if you win at the regionals you get to go to NYC to compete in the national finals. Chicago is a tough region and a lot of my friends have traveled to other, less singer-populous regions in order to try and win (you can audition anywhere, doesn't matter where you live). I thought, what the heck, I'll give it a try in Chicago! I just saw the list of finalists and one of the other sopranos is currently a young artist at Chicago Lyric...so yeah, I'm pretty happy to just be on a list with her! :) I really needed this boost, and I'm super excited for Sunday's performance...it's like a concert, there is an audience, we wear formal attire and it's being broadcast on WFMT, the classical station in Chicago!!

Since I've been on tour this week, I haven't practiced at all besides singing our show, but luckily the aria I'm starting with is Ach ich fuhls, which is Pamina's aria from Magic Flute, which I sing (albeit in English) in this touring show. So I've gotten five cracks at it in front of a very tough crowd -- elementary school kids. :) Tonight I started to feel a bit like I was coming down with something (quel horreur!) so I took three Zicam, drank a thing of airborne (I know it doesn't really work), took several vitamins and have been attempting to drown my internal organs with water (kidding, but I heard that someone actually did that and I wondered if they were a singer). Now I've taken two Nyquil and am planning to conk out for eight hours before heading back to Chi tomorrow. Oh the stress of singer life.

But now I'm back in it. Someone (the met auditions!) has told me, "yes, you have potential", and I am feeling hopeful and inspired again. I hope that I can ride on this feeling for some time. I want to be a singer, and I want to have a good career. I also want to have a family. I don't think this is asking too much. On Sunday, I'm going to go out there and sing my heart out. And then I'm going to go back on the road for another week, singing for kids and spreading the love of opera to children. Aren't I lucky and blessed to get to do that for a living?

I'll let you know how it goes on Sunday. I'm pumped. Nyquil is taking over now...signing out.

So, I wrote this long rambly post yesterday and then my stupid computer lost its internet connection (as it is wont to do these days) and BOOM, post gone. Sadness. Mostly for me, because it was not at all entertaining or fun to read. Maybe the universe was telling me that it was a cathartic exercise only and not meant for other people to read.

To sum things up, I've been having emotional/career crisis number 23093094834 this week, which seems to be pretty normal at this time of year, if my previous two years of blogging are any indication. I have two fairly major auditions this weekend (one is in four hours), for neither of which I feel very prepared, nor do I have an excuse for being unprepared. I'm going to keep that last great audition in mind as I head downtown today. If I can just pull that off again, I'll feel good. Lately I've just been realizing how much I WANT to be performing, not teaching. I've just gotten so jaded about the business, so convinced that hard work doesn't necessarily equal success, that I've forgotten how much I love it. To perform music at a very high level with amazing colleagues and friends -- that is what I love. So I guess I'm going to try to do more of that, whatever it takes.

And thank HEAVEN, I get to do just that for the next two weeks!!! I leave for OFY Fall tour on Sunday!!!! While I'll be very sad to be away from Nick for a week (I miss him when we're apart for 8 hrs, cheesy, I know), I'm thrilled to be back on tour. I was going through the show in my living room yesterday with my iPod (if anyone was looking in the windows they probably thought I was insane) and I found I'm REALLY really excited to do it again. I love (almost all) of the OFY cast, so I can't wait to reunite. The only downside -- the tour is in northern Wisconsin/Duluth area. It might snow. So I bought a really cute Columbia insulated fleece at Nordstrom Rack this week, because I just don't think giant down comforter coat is ready to make an appearance yet. Duluth Super 8, here I come!

So that's my life these days. Life is so confusing sometimes. Thank God for the people that love me, even through my craziness and mental breakdowns and uncertainty. Those people are what are most important, as I remind myself continuously every day.

blech

I'm feeling like total crap today. Is it the weather? Maybe. I just tried to warm up and my voice sounds like ass. Last week I was feeling all on top of it and now I can barely force myself to vocalize a little bit. Urgh. That's the way it always goes. I went to the gym this morning in hopes of stirring up some energy, but it did nothing but create more phlegm. I think I need to buy some more Zyrtec. I ran out this weekend, and allergies are ridic right now.

I'm doing a gig in Gary, Indiana this week. Oh, the things I'll do for a little bit of money. No, in all seriousness, it's a good gig. It's Faure Requiem, which is delightful, mostly pro choristers (extra delightful), and the conductor is good -- and hilarious, to boot. The rehearsals are downtown, but tomorrow and Friday I have to haul ass to Gary. Nick will go with me on Friday so that it's not so scary.

Still no word on Opera Santa Barbara. I don't even want to talk about it, it's been making me so edgy thinking about how much I want it. I'm so sick of teaching already, I would do anything to get away from it for a little while. Luckily my leg of OFY fall tour is in just a week and half! Which means I'll get a nice break from all my students, and I'll hopefully return refreshed and happy to see them. I really really wish I liked it more. Maybe once I get my own studio (in my house), it'll be better? Because truthfully, it's great, steady money and it's really not that hard. I have good ears, and I believe I'm a good teacher, but I just DREAD my long teaching days so much. Maybe it's carry-over laziness from not having to work all summer? I don't know, I just wish I didn't have that sense of dread. Maybe I just don't like being in charge? I don't know.

How 'bout some pics of my fabu weekend? Mom and Dad were in town for a wedding, and we all went out to dinner and to a show (Dirty Dancing!) on Friday night:


me and Nick at dinner

Then on Sunday we all went to church together (well, I was doing my job) and my great Aunt and Uncle joined us from the 'burbs. Here we are at brunch in Evanston.


This weekend will be equally fabulous -- Mom and my sister Elaine are coming to town to do some wedding stuff and attend a Bridal Show at Navy Pier! Saturday we are going to do some shopping for bridesmaid and mother of the bride gowns. We'll do a fantastic dinner somewhere, and then Sunday is the bridal show. Lots of fun!

Now, I just need to motivate myself to do some singing and not hate teaching. How do I do it? Bribing myself with sweets usually helps.....

Gameface 2008

Most of you will remember me writing about audition season 2007, which Robert named: Nothing to Lose 2007. NTL 2007 went fairly well, and although I didn't get any gigs out of it, I got lots of good feedback and got my feet wet. Robert had a successful run of it, spending the summer as a young artist at New Jersey Opera Theater and being wait listed at several companies. So, when the time came to name this audition season, I waited with baited breath for Robert's proclamation. And then it came, in the form of a Nike t-shirt worn by one of his students on which read the following slogan: "When the gameface goes on, the beatdowns will commence shortly thereafter". And so, Gameface 2008 was born.

I kicked off Gameface 2008 this week with a stellar audition for Opera Santa Barbara young artist program. They heard all three arias, which is unheard of these days. Usually you they'll hear one, maybe one and a half if you're lucky, and two if you're REALLY lucky. I sang my first two arias, then they made me go in the hall for a moment, and then they brought me back in to sing my last aria. Very good sign, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. That's the thing about these auditions. I've said it a hundred times and I'll say it again -- audition outcomes are dependent on so many factors beyond my control. The best thing to do is go in there looking your very best, sing the shit out of your arias, and then forget about it immediately. And so that's what I'm trying to do. I received an email that said I would hear by the end of next week, so I'm basically crapping my pants until then. It's that time of year again -- when every refresh of the email, every phone call, sends my stomach into knots, hoping and praying it's THE call.

My next audition is in two weeks for Des Moines Metro Opera yap. I was pleasantly surprised to receive the audition, since the past two years I've applied they've not heard me. The program dates would work out really well (ends in mid July, giving me plenty of time to get ready for the wedding) so I'm really glad they are hearing me. I'm not applying for nearly as many auditions this year, so it's great that I'm actually getting the few auditions for which I've applied. And that they are actually within my grasp -- I know several colleagues who have sung at both Opera SB and DMMO -- you don't have to be a superstar to get in.

So I'm feeling really good about the career stuff. I don't have quite as much time to practice as I'd like, since much of my singing energy is taken up by teaching and chorus gigs, but hey, gotsta pay the bills, and paying them with money from singing/teaching is waaaay better than the alternative (spending 8 hrs a day in an office and coming home exhausted from doing nothing and having no time to practice). Now that the high holidays are over, I should have some more singing energy for getting some new arias up and running. The next two weeks are going to fly by, however, and then I will be on whirlwind OFY fall tour for two weeks and then it will be almost the holidays. GEEZ where is the time going?

Well, this is getting long and rambly, per usual when I get going about singing crap. Tonight we are going to hear Natalie Dessay in Manon at the Lyric, and I'm extremely pumped. I need to go get Nick's reading materials compiled so that he can learn the plot and listen to a couple excerpts before tonight. It's very important to know something about the opera you're seeing -- otherwise it gets very boring and often confusing.

I'm off! Happy Weekend!

politics schmolitics

Ok, maybe I said I wouldn't go into politics on this here blog. And maybe I've been updating so infrequently that nobody reads it anymore. But I need to reprint something from Robert's blog that rings true for me (and I hope many others). I don't really think I can handle another four years of conservative Republican bullshit. What I REALLY can't handle is women, women just like me, voting for Sarah Palin -- because they don't know any better and think having a woman Vice-President would be pretty neat. IT WOULD NOT BE NEAT. Read this article and this article and then give me ONE GOOD REASON I would even consider voting for McCain/Palin. Then read Robert's words below.

beyond that, it just makes me worry. i know who i’m voting for (ron paul 2008!) and i have since before he got the official nod from his party. as i’ve always said, i goddamned had to vote for john kerry in 2004, so whether i was voting for Hillary (my primary choice) or Barack (no schlep of a second choice) was irrelevant. at least i had a good candidate to choose this time. but since my mind has been made up for so long, i don’t need to hear all of the idiosyncrasies of the road to the white house, all of the he-said/he-said’s and 10-second CNN soundbites. i don’t follow the polls day to day. i just hope beyond hope that america doesn’t vote a rich, old, racist homophobe puppet and his vapid, pandering choice of a running mate into office. if he does, all my friends joke that we’ll all have to expatriate. but, as i’ve said on this blog before, i refuse to leave my country just so that i can have the same rights as everyone else. plus, as i told elspeth yesterday, i can’t afford to live in the united states, much less canada. and it’s so damned cold.

when i got home last night, though, phong was watching the VP debate and i didn’t want to make him change the channel so i sat there watching it with him. we were all hoping that palin would fall on her ass, that america would see what a blundering fool she really is. what actually happened, though, is that she did an incredible impression of fucking george w. bush, her aw-shucks demeanor and rapid-fire tongue wagging (completely content-free as it may have been) mesmerizing the legions of midwesterners and southerners and white people afraid of a black person and fat housewives who have never registered to vote before they had the chance to vote “one of themselves” into office.

george w. bush pulled the wool over all of these fools’ eyes in 2000 and 2004, somehow convincing them that he was just like them, dumbing down his speech, assuring them all that he was a good ol’ boy. my greatest fear is that people who don’t pay attention, people who are so easily bought, will vote for mccain because they want to see a twit like palin in office. because she is “one of them.”

you know what? i don’t want somebody like me in office. i want somebody smarter than me in office. i want someone to lead this country who actually has experience and a clear idea of what their policy will be. if i led the country, god only knows what would happen. but, as usual, i’m preaching to the choir here. i just don’t know what else to do.

We cannot screw it up again, people.

grrreat

You know what's great? When your fiance calls you in the middle of the day to say he's coming home early and taking you out to lunch! I have the best fiance.

You know what else is great? FINALLY getting an audition for a company after much rigamarole with postal addresses, audition materials returned by the post office, emails, applications, etc. And a company that I actually have a prayer of being hired by, which would put me in Santa Barbara during February and March. Please God, let it be in my masterplan to work for this company.

You know what's really really great? FINALLY getting paid by all the companies that owe me money. And then sighing with relief as I pay my bills and do a leeeetle shopping (hellooo brown boots and pants that fit).

I'm in a great mood today, if you can't tell. :)

It's been a good week. First of all, it's premier week on TV! Did anyone catch the premier of Lipstick Jungle last night? I started watching the episodes on nbc.com from my laptop during tour last spring, and I got hooked. I thought it was a pretty good start, and it left me speculating all kinds of ways things could go. Tonight, sadly, I will be at church during The Office premier, but Nick has strict instructions for taping and not watching til I get home. I told him if I get home and that show is not on tape, he's out on the street. :) Kidding. Sort of.

In other news, the Handel Hercules concerts with MOB went really well. I'm so thankful for that job; it is definitely the highlight of my performing life at this point. The soloists, as usual, were incredible, and really inspired me to keep plugging away at my solo career as well. Now it is on to the High Holidays for the next two weeks. And the money is going to start rolling in, thank heavens. I've already picked out an amazing pair of brown boots that are going to be my comeuppance from this summer of retail starvation.

Wedding plans continue to come together! I hired our photographer this week. We are using Judy Gaulden out of Fort Wayne who did my sister's June 2007 wedding. Chicago photographers are pretty ridiculous price-wise, and Judy's packages are so reasonable that even with adding her travel expenses we're going to save quite a bit of money than if we'd hired a Chicago photog. Plus, I was totally overwhelmed by the hordes of Chicago photogs to choose from, and I was getting so many mixed reviews from various people, that going with Judy was the easiest and most secure choice for us. Elaine's pictures were gorgeous, so I'm really excited about our decision. I've gotten in touch with the DJ recommended by the Hotel Monaco, and she is available, so I'm going to meet up with (and hopefully hire) her next week. Then all I really have to do is hire a florist, and I can take a few months off and not really worry about anything until after the holidays! September has already flown by, and I just know the rest of the year is going to whoosh past before I know it.

So that's the news! Ankle is healing ok, but I haven't been able to work out for the past two weeks, which has been driving me all sorts of crazy. I forgot how addicting exercise can be. Hopefully by next week I can manage the Elliptical machine or bike or something. I don't want to mess things up even more, so I'm trying to take it slow, but I just really want to work up a good sweat!

We're hosting a little dinner party this weekend for my gal pals Stasi and Allison and their husbands. I haven't seen my girls since our bridal gown shopping adventure in July, so I'm excited! Should be a great time. I've got to get cleaning and making a shopping list. It makes me feel oh so grown up and domesticated to host dinner parties. :) Hopefully I'll have some pics to post of the evening.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

All you ever wanted to know about.....Nick, my fiance. Taken from my sis's blog.

1. He is sitting in front of the TV, what is he watching? Sci-fi channel, Ice Road Truckers, or CNN

2. You are out to eat, what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? balsamic vinagrette

3. Whats one food he doesn't like? you know, he is not a picky eater at all. i honestly can't think of anything!

4. You go out to a bar, what does he order? a Leffe (beer)

5. Where did he go to High School? American Community Schools of Athens (??? I think that's what it's called)

6. What size shoe does he wear? huge. 14. he can only buy shoes at Nordstrom.

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be? he's a big collector. watches, cameras and camera equipment

8. What is his favorite sandwich? patty melt

9. What would he eat every day if he could? probably a burger or a steak

10. What is his favorite cereal? raisin bran crunch, or the chocolatey stuff we can only find in Europe

11. What would he never wear? anything pink, yellow, or orange (believe me, i've tried)

12. What is his favorite sports team? probably Cubs. we're not huge into sports around here.

13. Who will he vote for? tough call. i know who i WANT him to vote for!

14. Who is his best friend? Aki

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? cry about my finances/career; be really hard on myself

16. How many states has he lived in? well states, one. countries, two.

17. What is his heritage? i'm pretty sure it's Greek ;)

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday, what kind of cake is it? chocolate cake, chocolate frosting

19. Did he play sports in High School? track

20. What could he spend hours doing? surf his online watch forum, walk around taking pictures, bake something

That's Nick, in a nutshell!

help, i've fallen and i can't get up

So, last week I fell down some stairs at one of my students' house. This will come as no surprise to many of you who know me, as I am wont to trip and stumble. Once, while backpacking in Spain, I slipped with a giant backpack and ended up like a turtle on the sidewalk, frantically waving my arms and legs trying to get back up. But I digress. This particular fall was bad, and now I have an ankle the size of a tennis ball. I finally wised up and went for an x-ray last Thursday, just in case, and thankfully it isn't broken. But I can't do yoga or run, nor can I walk in a shoe with any sort of heel. Which leaves me one pair of wearable shoes at the moment (I'm a big fan of heels). So that's kind of annoying.

But work is getting better. Things picked up quite a bit with my return to the CPS school (where I teach through MOB's outreach program) and my classes in Plainfield starting up. Time is once again flying, and I can look forward to a fat bank account in the very near future (well, by my standards, anyway). Our first MOB concerts are Sunday/Monday, which is always a good time. It's really a feast and famine type deal with freelancing. Thank God I'm heading into feast phase again. I need some new clothes like whoa. I purged my closet of several pairs of pants that I don't have a prayer of fitting into ever again. Sadly, I'm no longer 22 and have dinners of cottage cheese and beer. Or just beer. Side note, cottage cheese is a great pre-drinking meal. ;)

Anyways, things are back to somewhat normal for me. I've been seriously considering getting my teaching license though. I really enjoy my days at the public high school, and the benefits and stability are highly attractive. Nick and I have been discussing it -- it would be very helpful for us to have good insurance benefits, since at the moment both of us are independent contractors and will be paying out the wazoo once we have kids. I would still be able to do lots of the professional singing I'm doing now since rehearsals are usually in the evenings, and I would have the summers open for singing gigs as well. So...it's just an idea right now, but one that sounds more and more promising and exciting to me the more I think about it. A paycheck every two weeks? Good heavens, I can't remember what that's like.

So yeah. Good stuff. Wedding plans are coming along. Besides my swollen ankle, I'm feelin' good. And it's FALL in Chicago. The best season of all. How could I not be totally blissful?! :)