A 2009 Theme

This morning, while on the elliptical, while watching The Today Show, I saw a segment about New Years resolutions. And while I eschew once-a-year resolutions (it seems every Monday I resolve to do something), I liked one particular thing they discussed that my friend Allison also mentioned she's doing this year: finding a theme word for the year. Allison's word is purity. I thought and I thought, about what word I should choose. And cheesy as it may sound, the word I chose is LOVE. I mean, it's only fitting that the year I get married should be about love, right? But it's not just about being in love with Nick, it's about embracing and being thankful for all the love in my life, and it's especially about loving myself (not that way, dirty minds), with which I constantly struggle. It may not come as a surprise to you if you know me well, but I am usually brutally and cruelly hard on myself. It can be a great asset, as I move forward in my career and constantly strive to better myself, but most times, it's a hurtful voice inside telling me that I'm a failure. I've done a lot of work, with my therapist and on my own, to silence that voice, but this year I'm going to focus on it even more. I'm not sure what that requires, but I have some good tools for figuring it out.

One of the first things I'm doing to love myself more is focusing on my career: figuring out what I really want to be doing with my life, getting rid of the toxic parts of my job and people that upset me on a regular basis, and finding a more meaningful path in this difficult world of singing and music. It might mean taking a different path entirely, but in the past few years I've learned a lot about my passions for different aspects of the profession, and I've also learned a lot about what I dislike. Music is never far from my thoughts, and right now I'm so lucky to get to sing Mozart's beautiful Vesperae Solennes de Confessore with MOB, which is such a cool piece. It should be an interesting year for my career!

I'd also like to be more loving to the world around me. In 2008, I tried to be more "green", but I know I fell very short. It's also difficult to be a member of a community when that community is somewhat transient (the city), myself included. Hopefully in the not so distant future, Nick and I will settle somewhere permanently, and I can work on being an active and loving member of a community. It may not happen in 2009, but I've started to think about it quite a bit.

And of course, I will be planning my wedding for the better part of 2009, a day focused entirely on love. I'm sure not all of the planning process will be particularly loving, but I am so excited for that day to come and to become Nick's wife. So 2009 will also be about nurturing my relationship, and working toward the day when we vow before God to spend our lives together. Exciting stuff.

So those are my thoughts today. I was feeling so depressed last night -- all the fun of the holidays and Nick's birthday are over -- but this morning things are looking up. I've got a lot of work to do in 2009 -- not just the work I get paid to do, but work on my heart. LOVE...it's going to be a good year.