bitch please

After reading the reluctant receptionist's post today, I began to evaluate my own behavior as of late. Northwestern has turned me into a rather awful person recently, and though I'm trying my hardest to be good (ok, maybe not my hardest), I still find myself acting like a complete bitch for most of the hours I'm at school. There are a few reasons for this:

1. I made a very poor decision to accept an EXTREMELY small role in the upcoming production of Dialogues of the Carmelites at NU. This after being beaten out for the large part I should have gotten by two idiot, flaky, 20-year-old juniors. All because the school allowed the dumb shit guest "director" they brought in to direct this production have free reign of casting, and he is apparently deaf and retarded. Now I am forced to sit through these rehearsals listening to poor singing, poor preparation, and generally unprofessional behavior. Has there been lots of eye rolling, whispering with my friend Ash, magazine reading, and general disdain on my part during these rehearsals? Maybe.

2. My decision to get out of the Mary Kay business has apparently given a few people at school (not naming names, but I don't think they read this blog anyway) reason to dislike me. I realize that their master plan of wealth and world-domination has had a minor setback thanks to my decision to get out, but please. Not only do I feel scammed and used and STUPID for getting caught up in this business, but the things I read on the internet continue to creep me out. Check out The Pink Truth and you'll see what I mean. Now I have to find time in my busy schedule to ship back my inventory (luckily I get 90% of my money back and get to keep the free products). If deciding to forgo a "business opportunity" is a reason to stop being my friend, then...fine. You want to play this game? Bring it. (Cue bitchy Emily behavior).

3. There is, in general, a high quotient of really lame and annoying people at Northwestern. In reality, about 80% of singers are lame and annoying to begin with, but I think NU rolls in at around 93%.

The underlying reason behind this behavior really stems from my amazing ability to beat up on myself relentlessly. Geez, I should have a masters in Psychology, not singing! Somehow, I imagine that all of these things are my fault when they are, in fact, merely the result of unfortunate luck and being preyed upon by crazy people in the beauty industry. The fact that I am able to come to that conclusion is an amazingly huge step forward. And dealing with horrible people, well, I'll just go ahead and steal a line from Robert:" i try to accept them for who they are, and remember that they’re a person just like my friends or my sister or my parents, not just a collection of behaviors that happen to annoy me." Couldn't have said it better. And I am trying. Maybe not succeeding, but certainly trying.

I feel better already. And now I will leave you with my favorite TV sitcom "let's calm down" lines: SERENITY NOW (I actually say this to myself numerous times a day, and then I think about George's dad on Seinfeld saying it, and oddly--it makes me feel better) and "3-2-1, 1-2-3, what the heck, is bothering me?" And if you can tell me what that's from, you will be officially on the list of people I like.